The Struggles

I'm gonna start this blog post with an apology. Not that I think anyone has noticed but Finch Books has been largely absent on the social media scene for a while now, not to mention on this blog. It's not that I don't want to post on instagram and facebook and twitter every single day, it's just that it's difficult. As the sole employee and owner of this beautiful establishment, I do it all. I come in everyday and make coffee, put out pastries, clean, put out the various displays, fill out the shelves with new books and try to come up with a creative, new, interesting social media post. It's tough. This is also not mentioning everything I do before, during, and after work for my family. I work six days a week by myself and I still have to find time to do laundry, feed my toddler and dogs, clean the house, do dishes, put away toys (both the kid's and the dogs') and go to bed at a reasonable hour so I'm not a zombie when I have to go to work and do it all over again. If it weren't for my husband, my life would literally fall apart. I honestly don't know how single parents do it all on their own. 

I've been at this for nearly three months now and about 90% of the time I feel like I'm losing my mind. The struggles, while small compared to those of others, are real to me. Sales are not where I'd like them to be. I went from spending literally 100% of my time with my beautiful baby girl and now I get to see her for an hour before work and a few hours after work before it's time to put her to bed. I'm, in all likelihood, not going to be able to visit my grandparents this year. I haven't even paid myself a salary, so all this work, stress, and sacrifice seems to have less and less of a point each day. I've also been dealing with a resurgence of my depression and anxiety symptoms since rejoining the workforce. This is something I've dealt with since I was a kid and it's probably something I'll have to deal with, on and off, for the rest of my life. It's not a dangerous situation for me (and never has been) but it does make day-to-day life feel like I'm walking through quicksand. But everytime someone comes into my store and is pleasantly surprised by the cyprus tree seeming to grow through the ceiling or marvels at the black walnut countertop my husband crafted for me or sits down on our comfy, orange, leather sofa and reads a book with their coffee, it fills me with such a sense of accomplishment it makes it all worth it.

The point of this blog has been (and hopefully will continue to be) to show the inner workings of owning a small buisness (specifically a book store) but I also want this place to be a place I can show my true colors. A place I can vent about my problems and boast about my accomplishments. A place I can be funny and serious, or sad and angry. I want to talk about issues I care about and books I love. I want this blog to be a reflection of me and while I may try to act perfect sometimes, I am, like nearly everyone else, far from perfect. So to end this rambling, complain-y blog I'd just like to say this: If you come into the store and you see me behind the counter please understand if my hair is up in a messy bun, I have no makeup on and the bags under my eyes are dark purple. This just means that I'm putting my infant buisness ahead of myself right now and that's the way it has to be.